Fleeting moment of excitement

I felt something soft and fuzzy in my shoe as I was trying to put it on this morning. For a moment I got excited. I thought I might have found my hamster. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a piece of bread that I'd misplaced. I'm still keeping hope.

Online Dating

Call to the Vet: I would like to help my hamster find a spouse. Can you recommend the best online dating site?

Vet's answer: Be very careful on those sites. Hamsters aren't monogamous, and they carry diseases. You also have to watch out for online predators like snakes and eagles.

I don't think my hamster likes this arctic vortex. It's scared stiff. Or frozen. We better go back inside. I should have worn gloves. Getting hart too tyyyyppp

Mav'rique

I think a good name for a hamster is "Maverick." If that's a little too western for you, you could spell it "Mav'rique."

Impostor?

Question to the Vet: My hamster was gone a while, and when it came back, it was acting a little strange. How can I tell whether my hamster is real or an impostor?

Vet Answer: If it has longer tail, rounder ears, and pointier nose, it might be mouse impostor. You can also just ask for its ID.

Chin Implants

Call to the vet: I was watching a show about chin implants the other day, and I wanted to know whether I can get them for my hamster.

Vet: Is the hamster doing it make itself happy or to please other people? That's the real question.

Ghost Hamster

This song freaks out my hamster.

Need lyrics for a song

My hamster wants to learn this song. If you know where I can find the lyrics online, please let me know.

Sweaty Hamster

Question to the vet: It's been so hot lately... Do hamsters sweat? If so, what does a sweaty hamster look like?

Vet: The first thing you'll notice is the odor. Next, you'll see that the pits on their t-shirt are wet.

Whisker Braids

Call to the Vet:
I'm thinking of braiding my hamster's whiskers for an upcoming 60's music festival. What kind of braid do you think would work best?

Receptionist: I'd think French braid, but I'll let the vet explain the instructions to you.

Vet's Answer: The first thing you have to do is get some Rogaine and put it on the hamster's whiskers to grow them really long. Then they can drag them on the ground and get that greasy stuff. Then you can make a handlebar mustache. Do that, because they don't like braided whiskers. They do like it if you braid the hair on their tail, though.

Video addiction

Call to Vet: I think my hamster is addicted to YouTube. It watches that video of the rabbit chasing the rattlesnake up into a tree over and over again. What should I do?

Vet: Pull the plug... on both the hamster and computer. Or give it eye drops if it wants to keep watching.

Sandwich

I made a miniature ham sandwich and called it "The Hamster." Eating it in front of my hamster was a bad mistake; offering my hamster a bite was even worse. It still won't come out of its little cave (an empty toilet paper roll inside the cage). (I think hamsters are vegetarian.)

Finger biting

Call to the Vet:

When I see my hamster holding a piece of food and nibbling so fast, I'm worried it'll bite its own fingers. What can I do?

Vet Answer: We have finger prosthetics for hamsters. Would you like to buy one?

By the way, this article says hamsters are poor pets for kids.

http://www.wndu.com/healthnews/headlines/30509109.html

I always knew that hamsters were a very serious business, suitable only for the most dedicated and mature people.

My veterinarian says that humans carry diseases, too, so why pick on the hamsters?

Carrot Teeth

Call to the Vet: My hamster is getting carrot stains on its teeth. What can I do about it?

Vet: Inject the carrots with bleach before giving them to your hamster. Your worries will end rather quickly.

Hamster Dance

Call to the Vet: I heard that the hamster dance is popular on the Internet. Is there a hamster dance studio in town?

Vet answer: Do you want to dance like your hamster, or do you want to teach your hamster to dance?

Hamster gone wild

Call to vet: My hamster went ferrel for a couple of months, and now it's out of control. How can I keep it from charging?

Receptionist: You can't. It'll probably attack you and may end up killing you. I'll get the vet.

Vet: Take away it's credit card! Bud-ump-bump!

I found my hamster!

It took awhile for it to dig out from all that snow, but I got it back!

Antlers

Call to vet clinic:

Me: You know those fake reindeer antlers that people put on their pets?

Receptionist: Yes.

Me: Do you make those in hamster size?

Receptionist: Hold on, I'll get the vet for you.

Snow sculpture

Call to vet: I want to make a snow sculpture of my hamster. How long can I keep my hamster outside before it freezes?

Vet: Take it inside when you see its lips turn blue.

Gas

Call to Vet: "My hamster has gas; can I relieve it by squeezing it? Mainly I want to know whether it will go "ppbbththth" or "POP!"

Vet: "Just don't use your car tires to do the squeezing."