Chin Implants

Call to the vet: I was watching a show about chin implants the other day, and I wanted to know whether I can get them for my hamster.

Vet: Is the hamster doing it make itself happy or to please other people? That's the real question.

Ghost Hamster

This song freaks out my hamster.

Need lyrics for a song

My hamster wants to learn this song. If you know where I can find the lyrics online, please let me know.

Sweaty Hamster

Question to the vet: It's been so hot lately... Do hamsters sweat? If so, what does a sweaty hamster look like?

Vet: The first thing you'll notice is the odor. Next, you'll see that the pits on their t-shirt are wet.

Whisker Braids

Call to the Vet:
I'm thinking of braiding my hamster's whiskers for an upcoming 60's music festival. What kind of braid do you think would work best?

Receptionist: I'd think French braid, but I'll let the vet explain the instructions to you.

Vet's Answer: The first thing you have to do is get some Rogaine and put it on the hamster's whiskers to grow them really long. Then they can drag them on the ground and get that greasy stuff. Then you can make a handlebar mustache. Do that, because they don't like braided whiskers. They do like it if you braid the hair on their tail, though.

Video addiction

Call to Vet: I think my hamster is addicted to YouTube. It watches that video of the rabbit chasing the rattlesnake up into a tree over and over again. What should I do?

Vet: Pull the plug... on both the hamster and computer. Or give it eye drops if it wants to keep watching.

Sandwich

I made a miniature ham sandwich and called it "The Hamster." Eating it in front of my hamster was a bad mistake; offering my hamster a bite was even worse. It still won't come out of its little cave (an empty toilet paper roll inside the cage). (I think hamsters are vegetarian.)