Finger biting

Call to the Vet:

When I see my hamster holding a piece of food and nibbling so fast, I'm worried it'll bite its own fingers. What can I do?

Vet Answer: We have finger prosthetics for hamsters. Would you like to buy one?

By the way, this article says hamsters are poor pets for kids.

http://www.wndu.com/healthnews/headlines/30509109.html

I always knew that hamsters were a very serious business, suitable only for the most dedicated and mature people.

My veterinarian says that humans carry diseases, too, so why pick on the hamsters?

Carrot Teeth

Call to the Vet: My hamster is getting carrot stains on its teeth. What can I do about it?

Vet: Inject the carrots with bleach before giving them to your hamster. Your worries will end rather quickly.

Hamster Dance

Call to the Vet: I heard that the hamster dance is popular on the Internet. Is there a hamster dance studio in town?

Vet answer: Do you want to dance like your hamster, or do you want to teach your hamster to dance?

Hamster gone wild

Call to vet: My hamster went ferrel for a couple of months, and now it's out of control. How can I keep it from charging?

Receptionist: You can't. It'll probably attack you and may end up killing you. I'll get the vet.

Vet: Take away it's credit card! Bud-ump-bump!

I found my hamster!

It took awhile for it to dig out from all that snow, but I got it back!

Antlers

Call to vet clinic:

Me: You know those fake reindeer antlers that people put on their pets?

Receptionist: Yes.

Me: Do you make those in hamster size?

Receptionist: Hold on, I'll get the vet for you.

Snow sculpture

Call to vet: I want to make a snow sculpture of my hamster. How long can I keep my hamster outside before it freezes?

Vet: Take it inside when you see its lips turn blue.