Whisker Braids

Call to the Vet:
I'm thinking of braiding my hamster's whiskers for an upcoming 60's music festival. What kind of braid do you think would work best?

Receptionist: I'd think French braid, but I'll let the vet explain the instructions to you.

Vet's Answer: The first thing you have to do is get some Rogaine and put it on the hamster's whiskers to grow them really long. Then they can drag them on the ground and get that greasy stuff. Then you can make a handlebar mustache. Do that, because they don't like braided whiskers. They do like it if you braid the hair on their tail, though.

Video addiction

Call to Vet: I think my hamster is addicted to YouTube. It watches that video of the rabbit chasing the rattlesnake up into a tree over and over again. What should I do?

Vet: Pull the plug... on both the hamster and computer. Or give it eye drops if it wants to keep watching.

Sandwich

I made a miniature ham sandwich and called it "The Hamster." Eating it in front of my hamster was a bad mistake; offering my hamster a bite was even worse. It still won't come out of its little cave (an empty toilet paper roll inside the cage). (I think hamsters are vegetarian.)

Finger biting

Call to the Vet:

When I see my hamster holding a piece of food and nibbling so fast, I'm worried it'll bite its own fingers. What can I do?

Vet Answer: We have finger prosthetics for hamsters. Would you like to buy one?

By the way, this article says hamsters are poor pets for kids.

http://www.wndu.com/healthnews/headlines/30509109.html

I always knew that hamsters were a very serious business, suitable only for the most dedicated and mature people.

My veterinarian says that humans carry diseases, too, so why pick on the hamsters?

Carrot Teeth

Call to the Vet: My hamster is getting carrot stains on its teeth. What can I do about it?

Vet: Inject the carrots with bleach before giving them to your hamster. Your worries will end rather quickly.

Hamster Dance

Call to the Vet: I heard that the hamster dance is popular on the Internet. Is there a hamster dance studio in town?

Vet answer: Do you want to dance like your hamster, or do you want to teach your hamster to dance?

Hamster gone wild

Call to vet: My hamster went ferrel for a couple of months, and now it's out of control. How can I keep it from charging?

Receptionist: You can't. It'll probably attack you and may end up killing you. I'll get the vet.

Vet: Take away it's credit card! Bud-ump-bump!