Carrot Teeth

Call to the Vet: My hamster is getting carrot stains on its teeth. What can I do about it?

Vet: Inject the carrots with bleach before giving them to your hamster. Your worries will end rather quickly.

Hamster Dance

Call to the Vet: I heard that the hamster dance is popular on the Internet. Is there a hamster dance studio in town?

Vet answer: Do you want to dance like your hamster, or do you want to teach your hamster to dance?

Hamster gone wild

Call to vet: My hamster went ferrel for a couple of months, and now it's out of control. How can I keep it from charging?

Receptionist: You can't. It'll probably attack you and may end up killing you. I'll get the vet.

Vet: Take away it's credit card! Bud-ump-bump!

I found my hamster!

It took awhile for it to dig out from all that snow, but I got it back!

Antlers

Call to vet clinic:

Me: You know those fake reindeer antlers that people put on their pets?

Receptionist: Yes.

Me: Do you make those in hamster size?

Receptionist: Hold on, I'll get the vet for you.

Snow sculpture

Call to vet: I want to make a snow sculpture of my hamster. How long can I keep my hamster outside before it freezes?

Vet: Take it inside when you see its lips turn blue.

Gas

Call to Vet: "My hamster has gas; can I relieve it by squeezing it? Mainly I want to know whether it will go "ppbbththth" or "POP!"

Vet: "Just don't use your car tires to do the squeezing."